Searching for the meaning.

So I'm sitting on my balcony enjoying the beautiful viesws. A lot is on my mind right now, per usual. It's truly incredible how a single person can take over your entire mind and completely take away the attention from the rest of the problems in the world. It has really been so long since I have felt this strongly about a person and this time there are just so many different factors that are playing a roll. Emotionally, I have been trying to mature and really develop. I learned that over the years I stopped allowing people to become close to me and that I set these really thick barriers, barriers so thick that I was even protecting myself from myself lol. This time around with Drew it's just a lot. He is really getting a blueprint of the new and improved me. Like the kind of me that is ready to allow someone to love me for who I am. Sure I am still young and this is something that takes years but I'm really opening up to love. At 14 I know I experienced something really real and quite marvelous. Unfortunately, my following relationship wasn't quite the same and it's often a memory I really hate revisiting. I feel like I really tried to put myself out there with Eli and he kind of just shut me down every opportunity he could get. It was really a very miserable relationship and I am glad as the saying says "we found the good in goodbye. Anyways, here I am with drew. We haven't talked since yesterday which is very rare since we either see each other everyday or we FaceTime. I kind of started to realize that I was beginning to really smother him you know all this relationship talk and I wanna meet your mom talk I just can't imagine how it would make someone a emotional as him feel. He's so fragile and really scared of opening up to others and here I am demanding all this time, effort, and energy. I know better to blame myself for his distance because I have definitely met him half way with everything; money, emotions, PDA...everything. It's just crazy how things workout and how u can feel so strongly about a person. I just hope things can workout for the better.